On Confidence and Self Promotion

Why do all my posts about something that can’t be photographed all seem to have a photo of a cup? Oh, because I drink too much tea. I get it.

Someone on my Twitter feed linked to Bangs and a Bun’s post yesterday about “Confidence vs Ego”. It basically says that we should be proud to talk about our achievements, and why we’re awesome, instead of hiding it away. An interesting topic.

I know this. I agree with this! But I can’t do it. One of my New Years resolutions (which I didn’t really put this post because its so difficult to phrase without – in my mind – sounding awful) was to not only build new and current relationships to improve my blogging, but to also be able to say about whats so great.

I find it incredibly difficult to self promote. I feel awkward just tweeting a link to a new blog post – I feel like I’m spamming people and that they wouldn’t be interested in reading what I write. I created a Facebook page – not because everyone else was doing it, but so I wasn’t spamming the people who are my friend with blog links. I think I’ve said this to most of you before – when I think about who is looking at my blog or follows me on Twitter, honestly, I always assume there are about 5 people reading this, and it’s strange when people recognise me from these things, or talks about something I’ve posted. (Its not even as if this is a new occurrence. Back in the day, when I was on ol’Livejournal, I wrote a lot – unsurprisingly! – and being one of the few people in my tiny Uni town who wrote, I did have people come up to me on campus to say they saw something I’d done.)

I could give reasons to why I am like this. The main culprit I suspect would be having the wrong people around me who would knock down everything I did. But that doesn’t solve my problem. I want to push myself forward. I want to take the same opportunities as everyone else does – instead of ignoring the email, because they couldn’t possibly mean me. I just don’t know how.

So, dear readers (who do exist and I love the majority of you) – help me. Am I just some sort of freak? How can I change?


  1. char says

    I know what you mean – i think of myself as a just starting out blogger, and i certainly don’t think my blog or it’s success, or lack of depending on your point of comparison i guess, is anything to shout out about. that said, i don’t blog for PR shit, or freeeblies or anything like that, i blog for me, so maybe that’s why i don’t feel the need to be singing my stats from the rooftops or begging for free things. blogging for me is a hobby which i enjoy to partake in in my spare time, and i post when i like, about things i like. i know that others may do it for other reasons and that some people are just more competitive by nature, or feel that they have to try and be a brand rather than a person. i don’t feel that way, but i believe it’s each to their own.
    in my day to day life, i’m not exactly the most self-confident person, and i wonder if i was, whether perhpas my views would be different.
    your blog is lovely, and you should reach out as far (or not) as you want to :) char x

    • Hayley says

      My blog is very much a hobby, but the lack of confidence *does* affect my “real world” life. I hope by being able to talk about myself in a positive way more, it will help :)

  2. Harriet says

    No not a freak, just normal!

    Self promotion is hard, especially if you have that special self deprecating personality that seems unique to English people! I definitely hate it. I could never bring myself to ask PRs for anything for example, and I’m always embarassed when people who arent bloggers ask me about my blog as I dont want them to think I *think* I’m an amazing fashion and life guru who is so up herself she has to write about herself all the time!

    I’d say start small – tweet those blog links, and reply to those emails. Force yourself – if you dont want to reply to an email make sure it’s the first thing you do, and don’t allow yourself to procrastinate. I think you can set up auto tweets for your blog posts, which takes away the scary bit of having to actually tweet it yourself.

    And when you go to events… get a big glass of wine and come hide with me in the corner!

    • Hayley says

      I think you already know how much I dislike the attitude “I’m a blogger, give me stuff”, but I think I need to be more confident to say yes to things instead of assuming “Oh, they’ve just sent this to a huge mailing list, they’re not interested in *me*”
      I like the hiding part, especially if we’re near the drinks table ;)

  3. Kelly says

    I have always found it difficult taking a compliment, whether it be about my work or myself. I always follow with a sarcy comment about how shit I am really. Just the way I work.
    However it wasn’t until the other day when I was talking about my blog and hair in general with someone and they stopped me mid sentence and said “Woah, you do a lot, it all sounds amazing” I realised that I do, do a lot and I should be shouting more about it.
    It’s just getting the confidence to do it, which you won’t get until you start thinking you are amazing, and uh you are, so there. In your face. :)

  4. Dave Buxton says

    You’re not a freak or abnormal in any way, tooting your own horn is not something that we all find easy. I myself am very humbled when I receive any form of praise from my peers or colleagues.
    I do however have confidence in myself & my actions. I have this because too many people tried to tell me who or what I was & could or could not do during my years of growth. It is from this that I developed this simple question.
    Who is the single most important person in your life?
    If the answer is not you, then you care too much of others. Your goal is to think for yourself first everyone else comes second, your own progression, success, achievements even survival – everyone is below you. This is not a statement it is fact, believe in it & the rest will follow. I would very much like to help you with this & if you require my assistance in any way please don’t hesitate to ask. :-) @Dave_Buxton

  5. Laura says

    As another commenter mentioned, being modest and humble is quite British. This is fine but you can be humble whilst also accepting that you are a talented writer! I always enjoy reading your posts whatever the topic because you always make it interesting. I hope this isn’t too soppy but I’m really glad I found your blog and perhaps a little self promotion isn’t a bad thing if it means more people can enjoy your writing?
    I tend to just tweet a link to a new blog post once, I think that’s fair enough. Obviously spamming people isn’t going to go down well but a tweet here and there is sometimes a nice reminder when someone has missed a post!

  6. Charlotte says

    auto-tweet your blog posts through feedburner – just once a day mind, otherwise you’re in twat territory.

    stick as much self-promo shit as you can bear in your email signature, then cringe at yourself and cut it by half, ok, three-quarters.

    I think that’s it.

    One day, it’ll become easier and you won’t overanalyse every. little. word. for. LOLJUSTJOKING! when you receive an email that contains a compliment about your blog. Have a read of my media kit, I’ll send you it (but don’t share!) – it’s an exercise in ‘how to boast like a bitch without sounding like a complete knobjockey’. I failed, so you’ll at least get a smile out of it.

    • Hayley says

      So I shouldn’t tweet every hour “Have you seen this post” or just the website address? ;)
      I would love to see your media kit, I bet it doesn’t say enough how ace you are.

  7. Dave Buxton says

    Blush & avoid is even more normal than anything else you’ve mentioned. I agree with the comments of the others here. I’d like to ask you a few things about yourself but feels it not right to do so in the comment section of your own site, please let me know if I am able to contact you in another way. x

  8. Elisabeth Randell says

    I used to feel awkward posting links to my blog, especially when I realised ‘real people’ (e.g. friends and family!) might actually read it! It took a while but then I realised if you don’t tell people you’re there, then no one knows and if you want to grow your blog then you have to put yourself out there. As for championing your achievements, it’s a tricky subject. Personally I feel embarrassed and like I’m ‘showing off’ but I try to show off my skills whilst being humble and genuine and I hope people see that I’m just being confident in my achievements and not being egotistical.X


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