“Well, Theres A Lot You May Not Know About Me…”

This weeks choice is a little different. Its not quite a song, but a rap that Natalie Portman did on Saturday Night Live about 2 years ago. It makes me laugh when I hear it because she raps about things you wouldn’t quite expect of her.
Its actually by a band called the Lonely Planet, and this song is from their album Incredibad, where you’ll hear such “classics” as “Dick In A Box”. Go look that one (and it’s sequel, “Mother Lover”) up on YouTube. Justin Timberlake never looked so 1990’s.

The swears in this version are bleeped out, but its possibly NSFW!
“Lyrics” are below…

Chris Parnell: We’re sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman: Hello.
Parnell: So, Natalie, what’s a day in life of Natalie Portman like?
Portman: Do you really want to know?
Parnell: Yes, tell us.

Portman: I don’t sleep mother f***er
Off that yak and bourbon
Doin’ 120 getting [ooh] while I’m swervin

Seth Meyers: D**n Natalie you a crazy chick

Portman: Yo shut the f*** up and suck my d**k
I’m bustin dudes mouth like gushers mother f***er
Roll up on NBC and smack the s**t outta Jeff Zucker

Guys: What you want Natalie
Portman: To drink and fight
Guys: What you need Natalie
Portman: To f*** all night

Don’t test when I’m crazy on that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat
Till you s**t in my shoe
Leave you screaming
Pay for my dry cleaning
F*** you man
It’s my name that he’s screamin’

Parnell: I’m sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Portman: I never said I was a role model.
Parnell: What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

Portman: All the kids lookinG up to me can suck d**k
It’s Portman mother f***er
Drink till I’m sick
Slit your throat
And pour nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry
While I laugh you die
And all the dudes
You know I’m talking to you
Guys: We love you natalie
Portman: I wanna f*** you too
P is for Portman
P is for p*****
I’ll kill your f**ing dog for fun so don’t push me

Parnell: Well, Natalie I’m surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Portman: Well there’s a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?

When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
And snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse
And you gotta buncha dudes
I sit down on your face and take a s**t

Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad @$$ b***h (h**l yah)
And I always pay for your dry cleanin
When my s**t gets in your shoe
As for the drug use
Well I can vouch for that
My d**k is scared of you
Girl

Parnell: Okie-doke. One final question, if you steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it–
(Portman throws chair at Parnell)
Portman: No more questions
What!

 

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